| | Instructions: In a 5 paragraph essay, explore the following topic: In her article "For Better, For Worse," Stephanie Coontz argues that as people began to view marriage as more about love and intimacy (rather than a social means of regulating sexuality and child-rearing), the divorce rate has soared. With this in mind, describe what you think marriage is and what grounds individuals have to terminate it. Note: Be sure to support your discussion with quotations from the article and/or examples from your own life (or observations) |
| | Student Response: | Stephanie Coontz article seem to indicate that the institution of marriage has become devalued and is almost impractical on modern-day society due to the rising change in societal culture and free-choice. She states that "as soon as love became the driving force behind marriage, people began to demand the right to remain single if they had not found love or to divorce if they fell out of love." While I believe there is some element of truth in the fact that love and child-rearing should not be the only driving force of marriage, I do not agree that "the origins of marital instability lie in the pre-conceived ideal of love, intimacy," etc. While writing off the idea of ‘re-institutionalizing marriage’ as mere ‘fantasy’, the only ‘solution’ the author seems to give for the increasing level of devaluation of marriage is that it is foolish to use any method we have yet thought of to try and reverse it. We should adapt ourselves to the incontrovertible change. She does not go quite so far as to say that ‘in modern society marriage is impractical’, but I think she infers it and comes frighteningly close. And I think this also perpetuates the unhealthy belief that 'free choice' and giving in to social flow raises practicality above principle, and wisdom. There is wisdom behind principle; there is weakness in giving in just because the current statistics seem too powerful to fight.
Call me a ‘traditionalist’, I will wear the label proudly. I believe marriage is an institution that was created by God for a man and a women to love each other, yes, and be devoted to each other's well-being. I also believe it was created to give glory to God and symbolize in some sense His love for us. I also believe marriage was created to present a whole family unit and that it is therefore, healthy and the original intention for that family unit to stay united and work together. Based on these beliefs, I contend that the grounds for terminating a marriage are Biblically based and, to some extent, also based on psychological issues. A partner being unfaithful to their spouse is obvious grounds for divorce, and neglect of marital duties and responsibilities (be they sexual rights or emotional) is another. I also contend that physical, mental, or emotional abuse is another perfectly acceptable grounds for divorce.
There are certain things expected of and ordained for marriage. Child-bearing and a mutual love and respect for each partner to the other are two. Too often, particularly in modern culture, couples feel the increasing need to be their own individual and make their own decisions without the input or coordination with their spouse and this can lead to marital discord and failure. A man and women are to be 'one', to make decisions together, to plan for the future together, not to be two separate entities whose goals are as numerous and foreign to each other as two strangers would be. It is a man's primary responsibility to provide for his family, whether that is in a job, or by taking care of the house. Either can be perfectly acceptable, but when it comes to emotional, spiritual, and fundamental stability, that is the man's responsibility. It is the wife's responsibility to nurture her children and to allow her husband to be the father, and leader he should be to the family. It is also natural and a 'marital right' if you will for the couple to be intimate. If either partner is not willing to follow this and is not dedicated to keeping their family together, this is a neglect of their marital responsibility.
It is debated today, even in Biblical/Church circles what those grounds for divorce can be, and I was raised to believe that infidelity and marital unfaithfulness are the only grounds for divorce. However, I have come to disagree with this. There are reasons why a women or man may divorce their spouse that are unrelated to unfaithfulness. If one spouse is abusing the other, or they are abusing their children, that is clear and sound reason for divorce. This is acceptable I think from any modern societal view, but I also believe in holding to my spiritual beliefs, that it is Biblical. God did not intend for someone to be in a relationship where they are being wounded and damaged on a regular basis. It has been suggested to me by a respected spiritual leader that abuse is an extension of a neglect to fulfill marital responsibility. Men and women are to love each other and serve each other in a self-giving manner, and to provide each other with a healthy and safe environment, for their sakes as well as for the sake of their children.
In conclusion, I would say that, regardless of what society dictates, it is not the pursuit and expectation of "love, intimacy, fidelity, and mutual fulfillment" that generated modern marital instability. Those expectations are not the only ones marriage should have, but they are foundational to any healthy, stable marriage. And it is the break-down of such fundamental requirements that have generated the decline of marital stability, as well as the fact that society has shifted so far to an unhealthy extreme of free-choice and compromise. I believe that principle is, and should remain, a higher authority than convenience and apathy. The costs of neglecting the essential roles and functions of marriage are far too great to not be aware and fully dedicated to preserving it. Our children's emotional, mental, and psychological future depend on us making every reasonable attempt to create a healthy family environment, whether that be in maintaining the marriage, or if necessity demands it, in ending it.
| | Score: | 15/15 | | Comments: |
Thesis Statement: A
Development: A
Grammar/Word Use: A |
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