Shaken

Like a rock out on the ocean

Beaten by the sea

Parts of me shake and crumble

I cling to what's left of me

Like a bird over the water

Tides over different shores

Winds change from rough to gentle

Can't fight against them anymore

The core of me is shaken

Like a tempest on the waves

I know You could calm the waters

I'm so tired of being brave

With every step I stumble

Though I try to stay upright

My reflection and my shadow

Are the enemies I fight

A part of me is empty

A part of me is full

Will it be the good in me that wins

Or will it be the fool?

Lord, this is my weakness

I fall so far from grace

Trying to be perfect

Falling flat on my face

But greater is He that's in me

Than he that's in the world

The work of art He is creating

Will be like a tapestry unfurled

While I cannot see this wonder

With my mortal and waking eyes

In nature and in the sunrise

I see this promise is wise...

While in the midst of life's temptations

Its sorrows and its rains

Remember we do not now fully see

But as through a window-pane

Clarity will come in time

You've made no promise in vain

Whether in the midst of rejoicing

Or in the midst of endless pain

Meadow

Did you think I've never known

What it's like to cross a meadow

That has no end and no beginning

It just goes on, and on, without a break in the clouds above

You have a voice, but cannot sing

You have a name but no one knows it

Sadness

 

Its just a pain that squeezes your heart and steals your breath

Makes you desperately gasp for peace.  

Quiet.  

And the next day it will be the same.  

And the next.  

Pain that never fully ends.  

Wounds that cannot fully heal.

Inexplicable torture of the soul

Worse than death

More consuming, more final 

The totality of love must embrace its futility

Farewell to the dream

Tie a ring around your heart

Watch it strangle the life out of love

Puncture lung and breath

Leave it gasping alone in the darkness 

I'm falling asleep in arms that cannot hold me
That have dropped me to my own devices
To my own self-torment

Mirror Of The Sky

Blackbird upon a wire

Staring down into a mirror of the sky (pond)

Movement beneath the ripples

Darting between the long-grass

Peeking up beneath the waters shadows

To You who watches up above

Compare Your posture to one who grieves

One numbed by too much hurt for too long

Eyes that stare and see

See through and not at all

Wandering but not seeking

Knowing there is nothing left to find

You hear the stranger with your face

Scream futily at the clouds

'You did this!  You KNEW it would happen!'

Now only silence remains...

Never Easy

You never said this would be easy

Still we pray things turn out right

We hold on tighter fearing what we could lose

Watch the lights burn low at night

We wonder where we've come from

That life can hurt so much

And yet we remain alive

We breathe and move pedantically

While part of us has died

We dare to say 'Hello'

Yet so often say 'Goodbye'

Old and far away are memories sweet echoes

Yet nearer to the heart of the matter

Than anybody ever knows

Bleeding Colors

The color has bled from the world and is pooled in these sporadic, leaf-like shapes

Amidst the dark and brackish water

Like blood coagulating in some undiscovered, murky depths

Deep and fierce the pain blossoms in these stars and clusters like late-blooming blossoms of despair

As the bitter wind has drained out the feeling from warm skin, now pale and numb

So has time drained out the vibrancy and pungency of this grief

Yet still, in lonely deep layers in some hidden place within my heart

The colors have concentrated, fallen into darkened waters

Like infection set into deeply scarred wounds

This beyond the sight of waking eyes, beyond the hearing are soft cries

When all is still and covered and cold

Forgotten the summer's warm touch, the sun's embrace against this chill

Amidst the colors marking hurt as a flag heralds its country's pride

Gold glistens faintly, as hope emerging in the blackest chasm

Stars against the blackness of space

Who can know, who can tell

What Mind and matter, but mortal cannot see?

How Far

I told you once
That I would never leave you
I've repeated it every moment that has passed since
Ripple passing on to ripple
In a pool of summer sunlight
Stretching to an invisible crystal shore

I told you once
That I love you
It has echoed down the moments like trickles becoming a stream
Stream becoming river, river meeting the sea
Ending in a bottomless waterfall trickling to infinity

I told you that you were forgiven
And it was extended from fingertip to fingertip
On a rough-hewn tree
Hammer-stroke to hammer-stroke
Each stifled cry and parting sigh
Becoming a breath of pity, a prayer gasped for your pardon
Even as the nails were driven deeper
The sun becoming black above my brow

I remembered you as I was forgotten by my Father
Drew you close as He turned me away
Bleed for you as you heal before me
Hurt with you when you cry

Though you can never understand how much
My love is extended towards you
Never fathom how much was the cost
How great a sacrifice given
My love stretches to you
Farther, wider, deeper than any you could ever dream

~Jesus

(written: 04-02-2012)