Note: I went out this evening - something I REALLY should do more - and have come back with my mind jammed full of thoughts, ideas, and words. I'm not a very social person, but the irony is interesting to me that much of my writing is fueled BY social interaction. Maybe that's in part because I'm so often uncomfortable in social settings, especially large groups, and as it kicks up my emotions, it kicks up my writing brain. This evening, however, I was in a small, quiet group which I enjoy much more than larger gatherings (or work settings), and thus my inspiration is coming from that, and hopefully from a more relaxed perspective. There are other writings I will post tonight as well.
ANYWAY...
I rarely feel the need or desire to qualify any of my postings here on my Blog, and am rather annoyed with myself for feeling the need to do so now. However, there are times when I worry how my writing (poetry or otherwise) may be taken, particularly by those I love and respect. This is the case with one of the last posts I made entitled 'A Coffin, A Cross, And A Martyr. To me, writing (particularly with my poetry) often is "a language of emotional extremity". Let me explain:
In many ways, this 'language of emotional extremities' is the beauty of the written word. We can express ourselves in colors as bright and vivid or muted and somber as we choose. And if because some might deem putting emotion into words an impossible task, we end up over-compensating and writing more "loudly" than some situations or people might warrant, perhaps we may be forgiven. For maybe words cannot fully sing the potency of our deepest feelings after all. But - as writers - we must try. We must try or risk being a liar to ourselves and unworthy of the gift of speech.
My poetry, to me, is in some ways the act of thrusting my heart forward, or to put it less eloquently, vomiting myself onto a page. While this may in some ways leave me naked and vulnerable, it is also very cathartic and I hope someday it will become both a catalyst and a relieving method for others to identify with their own feelings and thoughts that they cannot put into words as easily.
In regards to the writing of 'A Coffin, A Cross, And A Martyr', 'NO', I have not done anything about that situation than you already know about. No, I do not feel that I was hurt on purpose, nor do I feel like a victim of anything but my own overly critical self.
To put this is the most succinct possible way: Please take my poetry with a grain of salt and do not draw conclusions of any kind about me or others when reading it. As movies are larger than life, so at times is the human mind and imagination. Please, allow me the freedom to exercise my imagination and emotional muscles without condescension or judgment. If my writing concerns you, (and it might - I can't blame anyone for what they feel or how they react) its okay, you're allowed, just PLEASE talk to me about it. And fair warning - it is extremely offensive to me for a reader of my writing to suggest to me that I should seek out counseling. >: ( Seriously? I got this. ----- And I know, those of you who know me well (and anyone who is reading my Blog should), you are not necessarily guilty of that, but please come directly to me if you have a concern or any speculations on the writing.
To give you just a little taste of my psychology, yes, I do tend to blame myself for everything wrong that happens. I think its fair to say that I was raised to see things that way, though I won't go into any details about that here. I blame myself for hurts and complications in relationships even when I am not guilty at all or there should be no blame associated with anyone involved. I point the finger at myself. Yes, yes, I KNOW that's wrong and I'm VERY aware of it. I'm working on it... And sometimes when I write, it really does seem that I make myself out to be this terrible villain to everyone including myself. I know it. I would NEVER EVER intentionally be an evil villain or hurt ANYONE, ESPECIALLY those that I care about the most, whatever my writing may portray. Again, I know this is a hang-up that I have, but PLEASE don't judge. If anything, just be a friend to me and be respectful enough to come to me with any concerns you might have rather than try to figure it out for yourself or make assumptions or... refer me for counseling. :) --- And again, just because you happen to be one of the few reading this does NOT mean that I'm trying to lecture anyone in particular or that any of you have done this. I'm just laying it out there, probably more for myself than anyone else.
To put this is the most succinct possible way: Please take my poetry with a grain of salt and do not draw conclusions of any kind about me or others when reading it. As movies are larger than life, so at times is the human mind and imagination. Please, allow me the freedom to exercise my imagination and emotional muscles without condescension or judgment. If my writing concerns you, (and it might - I can't blame anyone for what they feel or how they react) its okay, you're allowed, just PLEASE talk to me about it. And fair warning - it is extremely offensive to me for a reader of my writing to suggest to me that I should seek out counseling. >: ( Seriously? I got this. ----- And I know, those of you who know me well (and anyone who is reading my Blog should), you are not necessarily guilty of that, but please come directly to me if you have a concern or any speculations on the writing.
To give you just a little taste of my psychology, yes, I do tend to blame myself for everything wrong that happens. I think its fair to say that I was raised to see things that way, though I won't go into any details about that here. I blame myself for hurts and complications in relationships even when I am not guilty at all or there should be no blame associated with anyone involved. I point the finger at myself. Yes, yes, I KNOW that's wrong and I'm VERY aware of it. I'm working on it... And sometimes when I write, it really does seem that I make myself out to be this terrible villain to everyone including myself. I know it. I would NEVER EVER intentionally be an evil villain or hurt ANYONE, ESPECIALLY those that I care about the most, whatever my writing may portray. Again, I know this is a hang-up that I have, but PLEASE don't judge. If anything, just be a friend to me and be respectful enough to come to me with any concerns you might have rather than try to figure it out for yourself or make assumptions or... refer me for counseling. :) --- And again, just because you happen to be one of the few reading this does NOT mean that I'm trying to lecture anyone in particular or that any of you have done this. I'm just laying it out there, probably more for myself than anyone else.
Thanks,
~Kaylie
