Thursday, March 31, 2011

numb

A lull of feeling pervades this night, as though the nerves of my body and my spirit have been taxed far beyond what they can feel and every fiber connecting my body, spirit, and mind together has relaxed their strain and stilled their constant humming. Its too much to worry, too much to dream. It is too much to plan for another day. It's enough just to breathe - to breathe and to be, and not worry that there is nothing to say. Nothing that would make sense or conjure meaning out of chaos or answers out of confusion. Nothing that would secure the promise that tomorrow will not bring reality thundering back and shatter the stillness tat comes so fleetingly to weary, weary bones. So I will let them be still...
...Will these bones live...
Dry bones were made for kindling, despair wood for the burning. What is a mortal life when it is tucked into bed at night? Where does the hurt go when it is put to sleep? To a lonely mind, it stacks its broken pieces like kindling and watches the kindled spark ignite and consume.... not enough left to be complete, too much consumed to be complete.
...Meaningless, meaningless, all is meaningless...
...Nothing new under the sun...
Grab love by the throat and beat it back into silence. Its light has been forever doused by broken trust. What use is there in innocence, in a naivety that brings only loss? The wounded child forgot to bring her tattered parasol to shield her from the rain.

just enough

Just enough
Grant me just enough for today
Not more lest I boast or become complacent
Not less so that I want and complain

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

A Sad Story


(As the writing is cathartic, I put it onto the page and out of myself instead of allowing it to remain swallowed and consuming. Just a story I'm working on to express emotions. No idea where it's coming from, so don't ask me. - DISCLAIMER: This is very dark. So if you're squeamish or worry easily, don't read it.)

She was still and quiet, numbed as she stared out at the nothing outside her window. Tears made jagged trails on pale cheeks. Wounds stung and wept on her fragile skin. Scars etched her body as much as her soul. And for a moment, she bowed her head, pressed a hand to her dark-painted eyes and her throbbing brow. It felt as though her heart wept bloody tears stinging the open wounds as they ran down. Closing her eyes momentarily to attempt to swallow the despair, her limbs and skin tingling with electric tension, a tremor ran through her and she gasped for breath.

...There is no tomorrow, no today, only empty echoes of yesterday...


And she, alone, would howl in this night. And face its terrors and temptations alone... The aching emptiness within her throbbed like a living pulse and she could feel the scream tearing at her throat, but she pressed it, forced it, built the pressure in her being until her whole body trembled and she threw back her head and screamed. Her scream tore into the silence of the night, yet she knew no one could hear, no one could see. After a time, the scream became inane, nonsensical laughter even as the tears continued to fall. Laughter mixed with sobs, both beginning to choke her as they fought to escape her throat and stole away her breath. She began to cough, unable to speak or breathe around the physical emotion pouring out of her. Doubling over, she coughed and retched until she felt her stomach muscles tightening and cramping. Falling to her hands and knees, she pressed one arm to her abdomen desperate for the pain to end.


Friday, March 25, 2011

To The Desert







This constant sun
Burning through resistance
Enrobed in its fiery sphere
It cannot give way to weakness
Cannot allow for doubt
Why can purity and righteousness feel so cold
With white rays as chill as moonbeams
Steaming against the light

Turning, turning
Like a faulty astronaut lost in space
Like a flawed saint I am lost in this spiritual universe
Between heaven and hell
Between life and death
By chords of grace suspended

I cannot restrain the questions
Cannot contain all of the hurt
Is there a right or wrong in confusion?
A judgment on uncertainty?
Is the price of love so great
That it cost all we hold dear?
So that you can pick the lost treasures up again
And re-arrange their very nature
Into something I cannot recognize?

How much must we accept of this unknown plan?
All or nothing - we call it faith.

A voice cries in the desert
And it bids me come
Come to the sun and the silence
To the solitude and the fickle sands
Learn to thirst
Learn to hunger
Learn to be satisfied and filled only in You

Forsaking all I hope to gain
Considering it loss to be near You
As fully and closely and completely as You long to be with me
Trusting that You will restore these days
And renew what we have laid down

(this isn't finished)


Friday, March 18, 2011

Writing The Book On Writing

(The formatting is mucked up, I cannot figure out why the site insists on highlighting the last few paragraphs in white, it's driving me nuts! But this was a Career Essay I did for my English class - Surprise, surprise, I want to be a published creative writer who can make a living from selling published works. :) No one saw that coming.)


‘Writing The Book On Writing’

By Esther Rosenberry

English 102

Career Essay

Professor David Walters

March 2011


Esther Rosenberry

Professor David Walters

English 102

18 March 2011

Writing The Book On Writing

The choice of what career one intends to pursue is one of extreme importance and must be well considered and researched. Whether one has a clear picture what direction to move in when graduating for high school or as with myself, it takes them many years and part of their adult life to figure out with several twists and turns on the way, it is a decision that can affect every aspect of our lives. Circumstances change as does the world around us, and I have found that while my course has had some road-blocks and some re-directs, it has still remained primarily focused on one genre, that of creative writing.

Creative writing, while perhaps one of the most idealized and sought-after professions, is also one of the most difficult to be truly successful at. Before one can be successful, one must make something of a name for oneself, whether it is in the business or academic field, or in contemporary circles. Like any art, there must be experienced gleaned, and a resume and list of achievements recorded. There are many similarities, in fact, between success with the entertainment fields, entertainment fields such as movies and television, the music industry, and writing. With very few exceptions, there simply is not a “fast track” to follow for instant or even exceptional popularity and wealth. Yet somehow most of American culture seems fixated on those few exceptional ideals that have perforated Hollywood in the past several decades. I once dreamed of this kind of success as well, but in my conversations with other published authors over the past few years, I have quickly come to understand that being a published author does not necessarily indicate wealth, or a consistent pay-check. Few people actually enter the writing field with the unrealistic expectation of wealth in fact. Speaking with those who have gained success in the field of writing can be one of the most useful and affective tools in directing the path to publication. In speaking with one published author, Emily Chase, after determining what type of writing I would like to work on publishing, she first asked me the question, “Who is your audience?” Without knowing precisely who your writing will speak to and would find it interesting and be willing to read it, there’s no point in writing. “There’s no point in writing, if you can’t get it to readers who will appreciate it.” (Chase)

Now determining exactly what form of writing to focus on, at least temporarily, for the goal of publication can be difficult as well. Many writers, if not most, do not write singly one type of material. Many authors, who write novels, also write poetry and short stories and have often submitted work to magazines long before ever having their own books. Emily quickly informed me that wanting to write solely poetry for publication might not lead to success. There simply is not a great market for poetry right now, so exploring other possibilities and taking advantage of opportunities in other genres would be wise. In other words, being flexible and eager to learn are necessary skills for a successful writer as well as being resourceful.

Another tip she gave that follows in that same line is that it can be a lot more difficult and less profitable to break into writing with your own book rather than submitting a magazine or a compilation book of poetry or short stories or whatever genre your writing takes. “For one thing,” says Emily, “A magazine will already have an established audience and will typically reach thousands of people. Submitting to magazines and compilations also pays up front rather than making a publishing contract that would require completion of the project before payment is received, which is some cases, can takes months or even years.”

And once again, that points to the fact that having a consistent pay-check is not something that generally happens with an author’s work until after many years of hard work, and there is no guarantee even then. Emily herself was employed as a motivational speaker, a teacher at a local Christian College in the Anthropology, Bible, and Spanish fields. After retirement, she now works as a substitute school teacher, for an adoption agency part-time, and volunteers as a lay-counselor for different organizations. Canadian writer Margaret Atwood as well had aspirations of becoming a writer from a young age, but was discouraged by her parents for the simple fact that they feared she would starve. (Glossbrenner) Atwood is an established poetry, story-teller and novelist and is also involved in political activism along with her writing. Celebrated author Tom Clancy worked as an insurance agent before he ventured into the field of writing. (Glossbrenner) Terry Brooks, aside from his early success as one of the country’s most renowned fantasy writers, was a lawyer by profession. (Richard Bleiler) And Jeffrey Archer worked in public relations and as a politician. (Glossbrenner) Art Spikol, an author currently writing for Writer’s Digest said, “Having a job, in fact, is an excellent base from which to initiate your entrepreneurship; it’s easier to build a base of clients while you’ve got a steady paycheck you can rely on until you get off the ground.” (Spikol)

Creative writing is also, understandably, a highly competitive field which is rising greatly in popularity. Juliet England notes “…Being assailed by information on all sides, we are more able to absorb and take things in. Global communications mean we know more about the world around usm and take greater interest in it. With more of us journeying more frequently and further afield than previous generations have done, it’s not difficult to see why traveling writing, as a particular example, have never been more popular or competitive.” (England) She also notes “And with more magazines, web sites, and TV Channels hungry for fresh scripts meaning more outlets for publication, the craft of writing has rarely been more visible. These days, a voice has to be loud to be heard over the babble.” Being as competitive as it is, clearly another skill successful writers must have is persistence. Every writer that I have ever studied or spoken with had several rejections for publication requests before finding one willing to publish.

But I believe that to succeed a writing career and rise above all the many others vying for attention, one needs another essential quality that will outshine even a loud, persistent voice. It is the ability to be an excellent observer. People are engaged by pieces of writing because they can relate to it and it speaks intelligently and empathetically into their lives in some way or another. So to watch people, to listen to them, to study their behavior, their personalities, the nuances of what makes us alive and vibrant, what makes us feel so powerfully and express so beautifully, that to me is the most important skill for being a successful writer. Fortunately, I seem to have always taken a ‘back-stage observer’ stance in my life and have fine-tuned senses for observing things that many people would not consciously notice, so I think I would excel in that particular avenue.

Being that the writing field is so competitive and so difficult to be successful in, why write? Well, many can and have theorized about why people have the desire to write and far down on the list is the reason of affluence. When speaking with Cathy Morgan, a song-writer and director of prayer at my church, she stated, “I write because I must.” This seemingly natural compulsion to write has been echoed by many writers, and I also share something of an affinity with this. We write because we feel inwardly compelled to express in words what we feel and think. Terry Brooks once stated, “Writing is a profession that chooses you. It catapults you directly into a twilight zone of compuslive behavior, and you write because you must.” (Bleiler) In Mrs. Morgan’s case, she also states that she writes to teach, to connect with other people, and to unite them. (Morgan)

Aside from the songs which are copyrighted and sung, Cathy has written a number of different articles published on the church’s website. Given her position, Cathy’s writing represents an example of an environment where questions of ethics come into play. Being employed in a position of religious ministry, which I also hope to incorporate with my writing career, Cathy must be extremely careful how she represents not only herself but the ministry, church, and ideals for which she stands for. She must be consistent with the beliefs of the religion and the church culture and maintain an upright reputation throughout all of her dealing and particularly the writing. An interesting observation she made of the process of writing was, “I become a crucible in the process.” (Morgan) Writing to instruct, to unite people, and to facilitate growth can often require personal analysis and introspection as well as a vulnerability in the honesty that the writing portrays about the author. Maintaining integrity, honesty, and humility at all times in order to inspire and hold up the ideals of our beliefs can at times be a painful and risky thing to do.

Another situation that can cause ethical considerations is simply that when one speaks with a loud voice (England), this will naturally not appeal to every reader’s sense of morality. Particularly in America with such diverse cultural routes, one writer’s extrapolation of life might quite offend someone of a different culture. The controversial nature of writing is noteworthy because writing and an author’s thoughts are as varied as individuals themselves. It is part of the beauty and the curse of writing, if you will. The more controversial the material, the more attention it seems to draw. Tom Mack speaks about the difficulties associated with “evolving canon” and standard literary anthologies in American literature. “…Of necessity, contemporary students and teachers of American literature must grapple with the issue of the evolving canon…due to the multiple histories and cultures represented in America.” (Mack)

Another situation to keep in mind is that, due to the difficulty of achieving success in such a popularized field, editors and publishers have the right and privilege to be extremely selective and sometimes the temptation exists to compromise or change one’s own writing in order to meet their demands, or even in some cases, to sacrifice one’s own principles or the integrity of the piece for the sake of gaining publishers approval. Now flexibility and the ability to condense being the enormously beneficial assets that they are, this does not always present a problem. But there is a fine line to be addressed between paring down the work and altering it enough to change its message and the principles on which the author wrote it. So, it is something to consider and be careful of.

I faced an interesting quandary relating to the question of ethics in an article written about one of the best fantasy writers of all time, CS Lewis. The article by Arts Correspondent Rob Sharp, relates that before he died, Lewis burned a great number of his unpublished works. It was only very recently discovered that Lewis translation of Viril’s epic poem the Aeneid has survived. (Sharp) Why Lewis would burn so much of his unpublished work has not been fully determined, but whether to preserve material he did not want exploited or to dispose of writing he didn’t consider worth lasting, it is my personal belief that a writer should never destroy their work. While writers are critical of their own work above all else, even less perfect pieces can be a treasure to one’s children and to the world and serve as inspiration for other works in the future. But certainly Lewis had the right to do whatever with his own writing that he chose. It is also worth noting from this article that Lewis was a prolific fan of Greek and Latin literature and a very intelligent man. This reminds us that one of the attributes of the best-loved and celebrated writers is that they were and are very deep, thoughtful, intelligent people who have strong opinions that they feel compelled to voice.

Yet another risk of the writing industry is dealing with the publishing industry. It is a necessary part of the job. There is a common view among authors that publishing companies do not promote our work as effectively as they could. Gabriel Cohen explores this in her article for The Practical Writer where she interviews John B. Thompson. Mr. Thompson says, “When I began researching the book-publishing industry ten years ago, no one in academia had taken the subject seriously for about thirty years. It’s a world that is largely ignored by serious scholars. Many authors know little about it.” (Cohen) This not only highlights the risk that publishing companies may not be as effective as we would like and also that the industry itself is not recognized by serious scholars, which is very sad.

To reiterate the need for resourcefulness, the good news for authors is that particularly with the cyber-universe, there are now mountains of resources at our fingerprints. Colleges make their own sites specifically to help students and the general public perfect their writing and learn about the publishing world. The Purdue Owl is a wonderful example of this, giving lists of information for all parts of the writing process including everything from the basic form of manuscripts to affective research techniques. (Purdue Owl Online Writing Lab)

Despite the many challenges of success in the writing world, I feel personally dedicated to pursuing this goal and making money from it. As my research has found, there is much to consider and much to learn about the business of writing and the publishing industry, and I find it most prudent to keep a full-time job while beginning the journey so that there is a steady income. Hopefully in years to come, there will be supplemental income through works I am able to publish, and one day I intend to support myself and my son with writing as my sole occupation.

Works Cited

Bleiler, Richard. Supernatural Fiction Writers: Contemporary Fantasy And Horror. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 2003.

Chase, Emily. Interview. Esther Rosenberry. 13 March 2010.

Cohen, Gabriel. "Publishing In The 21st Century: An Interview With John B. Thompson." The Practical Writer 01 March 2011.

England, Juliet. "Writing Wrongs." Creative Writing: Teaching Theory & Practice (2009): 1-14.

Glossbrenner, Alfred & Emily. About the Author. San Diego: Cader Books, 2000.

Mack, Tom. "The Evolving Canon: Classroom Implications." Notes On Teaching English (2006): 45-50.

Morgan, Cathy. Interview. Esther Rosenberry. 1 March 2011.

Purdue Owl Online Writing Lab. Purdue Online Writing Lab. n.d. 15 2 2011 .

Sharp, Rob. "Rescued From A Bonfire, the lost work of CS Lewis." The Independent Books 4 March 2011.

Spikol, Art. www.writersdigest.com. n.d. 15 02 2011 .