Battle Never Ends

Author's Notes:  Don't ask me why I'm rhyming today, I usually don't.  It creates a false expectation of rhythm that I can never quite keep up with or maintain, so the stanzas come across stumbling and out of balance.  I don't think I've ever enjoyed my 'work' when it rhymes, but this just seemed to flow out very quickly and naturally, so... I just let it.  Drop the smoking box, then walked away.

Departed again, you fickle sense of balance

Though not from my mistakes

Perhaps through misguided focus

Not enough to have pin-points on the graph

Marks on a grid

Locations on a map

When the compass keeps spinning out of orbit

A ragged feather in my cap

Not enough to tip the scales ever in my favor

When a feather can knock them askew

Not enough to frame in rose-wood and cherry hue

When in the picture remains memories of you

Not enough to remain and breathe

And abide in solid hands

Still so often must I battle

So often must I stand

Victories make battles worth it in the end

Yet still when I lay down to rest

I wonder when I must fight again

Ever vigilant, but ever weary

My eyes cannot be still

My allies grow farther apart

And my enemies merge together

In some dreadful, evil swill

Who can resist while staring a demon in the eye

Ignoring its relentless taunts

Yet still hear yesterday's trembling cry

Look back and weep

Look forward and wonder

See all that has been built

Remember all that was torn asunder

Is there a purpose to this madness?

To fighting without end?

I know the prize will be mine in the end

But how far must I bend?

My eyes are weak from crying

My vision blurred with smoke

From a fire ever kindled

That the enemy will never cease to stoke

Understanding may be a faulty thing

As it answers fewer questions than it asks

Completing one more goal

To be handed ten more tasks

I want to cry 'Foul!'

PLEASE, stop and let me rest!

But there are no respites in this game

There's always another test

Today my faltering breath turns sour

Pools in my throat

Turn putrid in my stomach

Become a heavy, discordant note

Others seem so steady

Like they've forgotten how to fail

Yet forever I feel I take up

The dreaded hammer and nail

It was my sin that held you there

Seems my pain alone you carried

Even then enough to bow your back

My ways so thoughtless and harried

What is the purpose of the hint of flower

If the stem cannot bear its own weight?

Why must I, with the smallest of why's

Be ram-shackled to a cart of hate

What You have forgiven Lord, still I despise

What You have sewn, I continue to rip

What You've let go into the breeze

I cling to with the tightest grip

Why does memory never fail me

In the times where I most need it to?

It should be so easy letting go

But it seems impossible for me to do

My head hurts
It HURTS from this incessant malaise!
No, a pill won't cure this self-affliction
I can only pray for those brighter days