Also - As with anything I write of significant length (not a poem or song or confined to a limited # of words), the story will unfold like a many-layered flower. There will be different depths and side-stories and layers to the characters... I don't know how to write anything simple because I 'simply' don't think that way myself. So, what may sound like a bare-bones synopsis now will certainly NOT end up that way when actually written.
And yes, for those of you that know me, there are a number of similarities between the main character 'Ra' (pronounced 'Ray') and myself. I don't know why I thought her up that way, but I think it will give her more of a ring of authenticity. She's a deeply flawed character and it makes her very real while at the same time she ends up evolving in a far different way than I have myself in real life.
There are a few other 'familiar personalities' too. ;) All similarities are meant respectfully and with no intent to offend, but the story itself is original.
* * *
Cast Of Characters: (in order of introduction)
Ronnie (father/soldier)
Frank 'Frankie' (Ronnie's war buddy & best friend/Ra's honorary 'uncle') (part of leadership group later)
Jessica 'Jess' (Ra's mother/Ronnie's widowed wife)
Ra (pronounced 'Ray' - short for Rahab/Ronnie's daughter) {*Main Protag.*}
Jake (Ra's counselor)
Lynn (Ra's older friend/mentor) (not technically a part of the leadership group later, but she's around Ra a lot, so she hears a good bit of what goes on)
Later on:
Israel (Jewish military medical tech./member of the underground believers) - (part of the leadership group, though he doesn't always go on runs with them)
Jackson (Frank's son, a few yrs. older than Ra - grew up with Frank's estranged wife, Ra never knew him) (Part of leadership group)
Morgan (An elderly African American man that Ra grows very close to. He is a wise old gentleman, and while he tells it like it is to her (one of very few that she will hear sometimes when she makes a bad decision or just needs put in place), he helps her to be a good leader. She relies heavily on his guidance and is straight-forward assessment of how she is doing as a leader. Morgan is wounded early on in one of the strikes and most of the conversations he has with Ra are in the medical "ward" that they have cordoned off for the wounded. He eventually reaches a point where Israel says he could 'go at any time'. They don't have the facilities or equipment to take care of such a damaged man long-term.
Elijah - Jamaican man, sharp-shooter of the group. (part of the leadership group) Has a daughter, Nevaeh. He is killed pretty early-on after Lynn & the others join them asking Ra to make his little girl smile.
Nevaeh - Elija's daughter, little girl of about 8-9 who makes the hen her pet.
Snoo-Snoo - Nevaeh's chicken. (I actually went on a site of 100 common Jamaican names and found 'Snoo-Snoo' as the #53 girl's name. My son and I starting laughing uproariously and the hen was officially dubbed 'Snoo-Snoo'. Awesome. - http://www.studentsoftheworld.info/penpals/stats.php3?Pays=JAM)
* * *
I. Story opens on a battlefield. A soldier named Ronnie has been mortally wounded and lies dying. His best friend Frank kneels over him. Ronnie makes his final request to 'Frankie' to make sure that his baby girl Ra - his little 'Ray of Sunshine' - is taken care of. He tells Frankie that this war they're fighting is not the last Ra will see, that there will be battles far more important and that his daughter will need to be the braver soldier. She won't fight for lives, she'll fight for souls. She'll need to be much stronger than her father was. To Frank, Ronnie is making no sense at all and delusional with pain. But as Ronnie passes, he takes his final words to mean that he wants Frank to make sure Ra is taken care of.
II. Next 'scene' is Ronnie, Jess, and Ra's house back in the states. Jess is sobbing loudly in the living room as two uniformed soldiers stand nearby tears streaking down faces otherwise determinedly straight. Frank stands nearby also in full military garb and notices movement near the door. Little Ra, aged 4, stares in through the screen door at the sad scene. When she sees Uncle Frank look at her, she runs off.
Later that night, Frank sits on the front porch with Ra in his lap the two of them staring up at a sky sparkling with fireworks, Jess having long since gone to bed thanks to a sedative. Ra asks why her mom was crying and why the soldiers have come to visit without daddy. As gently as possible, Frank explains to her that her mom cries because she's sad daddy isn't coming back from the war. She asks why not, and he tells her that her daddy went to heaven. It takes a moment for Ra to understand what Frank is saying, but being an uncommonly intuitive little girl, the realization does come. Frank holds her that night as she cries.
III. A little while later (haven't decided it if its right after the previous scene or a few years later), we see Frank and Ra walking together on a country road beside a meadow holding hands, Frank with his uniform hat under one arm. Ra asks him a lot of difficult questions. 'Why did daddy have to fight in the war?' 'Why did the good soldiers and the bad soldiers shoot each other?' Frank explains as clearly as he can and eventually turns the conversation to Ronnie's final words. 'Your daddy wants you to grow up strong. He named you after a very brave lady.' 'From the Bible?' Ra asks. Frank smiles. 'Yes, from the Bible.' etc., etc. This is to establish that for a while Frank continues to be a part of Ra's life and the two are close.
IV. Next scene is Ra as a 27 year old young women on a town sidewalk. She is watching the people pass on the street as she is about to arrive for her first meeting with a counselor (Jake) whom her friend Lynn had recommended. She worries for a bit internally about how she hated the idea of anyone thinking she was unstable for having to go see a counselor. (I've begun writing this scene out)
She reluctantly enters the nearby building and meets Jake. At their introduction as he's shaking her hand, he looks a little surprised and questions, "Ray?" "Yes." She replies. He apologetically explains, "I'm sorry, I guess I thought you were a man." This allows Ra to explain the pronunciation of her name and that it's 'Ra' like 'Ray of Sunshine'. Her full name is Rahab.
The scene here with Ra talking with Counselor Jake is establishing both Ra's personality and her life since hearing that her dad had been killed in the war. How 'Uncle Frank' tried to be a constant figure in her life and she loved him, how her mother irrationally blamed Frank for Ronnie's death and not being able to save her husband, how she then drove Frank away from Ra bizarrely jealous of his relationship with Ra and grew more and more mentally unstable. How Ra ran away once when she was 11 hoping to live with Frank and get away from her mother's abuse. How Frank explained gently that he'd have to take her back to her mother, that he loved her, but legally she had to be with her mother. How Ra started to explain that her mother was emotionally abusive but did not have the words for it, and so he took her back. Jess (Ra's mother) got a restraining order against Frank afterward.
V. Somewhere either during this session with Jake or immediately following, there is an earthquake and the Tribulation essentially starts.
VI. The world being a war-zone between the Antichrist and the surviving Christians, Ra, having always been incredibly withdrawn since her father's death and losing Frank, is somehow pressed into leadership of a group of underground Christians struggling to survive. A comment is made that is video-recorded that makes it back to the Antichrist and the Antichrist somehow pins his focus on Ra as the leader of the illegal "radicals". Because his attention focuses on Ra, she becomes a symbol and very reluctant leader. While once of average build, even a little overweight, Ra has to go through pretty rigorous physical training and learn combat by some Christians in the group who were part of the military, led, naturally by "Uncle" Frank whose band of brothers has found her. (The story of how Frank came to Christ will be a dialogue between he and Ra shortly after they meet back up here) Initially, she becomes very toned and athletic of build due to the physical demands, but as time progresses, she begins to get unhealthily thin for her build.
Eventually she meets back up with her home church and friends (like Lynn and Jake the counselor that we heard of earlier) They don't recognize Ra anymore, not merely because of her startling change in appearance (extremely fit and athletic and garbed in military fatigues now), but also in an enormous personality change. Timid little Ra has become a confident, authoritative - almost cold - leader in charge of a massive underground Christian group. Lynn is particularly vocal about feeling that Ra has lost herself in the horror of what has been happening in the world and that she's going to kill herself with who she's become - someone completely unsuited for leadership of this magnitude, much less military leadership. Ra actually agrees with her, she had NEVER wanted to be a leader, but feels she had no choice and still doesn't - a feeling supported by her military brothers who coach and protect her on their missions. Besides, the image that the Antichrist got a hold of early on is far different from the actual figure Ra has now become. It makes her much more difficult to identify.
There is also the matter of this underground group being pretty violent in retaliation to the 'World Order' when they contact them - not tortuously or anything, but they do shoot to kill at times and defend themselves violently if needs be. Its more militant than what it could be and when the church joins them, they have a say in this, and Ra agrees. Efforts are made to be more Christ-like when dealing with the Antichrist's army, except in life-or-death situations. The anger in Ra that allowed the group to continue as long as they did in the more militaristic fashion is another BIG concern for her friends. (Eventually, it will come out that Ra's anger, in part, stems from finding her mother shortly after the 'tribulation' began and how she was never able to reconcile before her mother was killed)
VII. Most of the story will take place in this war ravaged world between the powers of Christ and the darkness of the Antichrist. At some point, Lynn and the church group friends will learn from 'Israel', the Jewish military medic of the group, that Ra and Frank actually have a very strained relationship now. Israel and the others have always assumed that there was some kind of bad history with the two but they have never been told exactly what it was. Israel also wisely states that he personally believes, however cold and sometimes waspish Ra and Frank acts towards one another, that there is a love there that is very strong, that Ra will hear Frank's words of caution and advice more quickly than anyone else. As Lynn and her friends listen to Israel's observations of this relationship, they understand more than the soldiers can know, because they know Ra and can make the connection from what they know of 'Uncle' Frank and Ra's childhood - how she had been terribly hurt after he'd 'abandoned' her to return to her mother's abuse and never even wrote or visited her. Ra was never told about the restraining order, she just knew that after Frank took her back to her mother, he never even tried to contact her again.
VIII. Lynn and Ra's other friends are right about her pushing herself far too hard. Israel, while normally a very even-tempered, contemplative man becomes increasingly frustrated then downright angry with Ra because the stress of the war is taking a significantly damaging toll on her body and she makes herself vulnerable in the leaderships movements and continues to grow weaker by the day. Ra pushes their concerns away because, again, she feels she has no choice but to continue on in the role forced upon her. (Well... that and a variety of other internal struggles she has, particularly with anger) At one point, as Israel literally pulls Ra aside for examination as soon as they return from a supply run, he asks her when her last cycle was. She can't remember. Exasperated, Israel sharply berates her that if her cycle has stopped, it also means her body is dangerously anemic, and etc., etc., and he says it quite loud enough for Ra's friends standing nearby to hear it. She tries to order him to quiet down, but he refuses saying that her friends deserve to know what she's doing to herself so that maybe they can keep her from getting her fool-self killed.
(Sites for Amenorrhea, loss of menstrual cycle in women, Research: http://www.medicinenet.com/amenorrhea/page5.htm#what_are_the_complications_of_amenorrhea)
The Amenorrhea is just one symptom that something is seriously wrong with Ra, its caused by many things, but in her case it's stress, extreme physical and mental exertion, and insufficient nutrition. Anyway - further research for the medical parts will come.
The Amenorrhea is just one symptom that something is seriously wrong with Ra, its caused by many things, but in her case it's stress, extreme physical and mental exertion, and insufficient nutrition. Anyway - further research for the medical parts will come.
VIV. I can do flashbacks later on in the story where Ra looks back in her life and realizes times she had angels directly interacting in her life even when she couldn't see them
* * *
Heh, interestingly, I want to get some further plot points down, but I'm concerned that I might be giving too many spoilers in this brainstorm. I don't want to ruin the story for future readers before I even write the story. ;) Fortunately, since like I said before this story idea has been rattling around in my head for years now, I think I can remember some of the later key points. I do need to get the scenes and actual writing down however, so I will try to give a Spoiler alert before the main ones. I will continue to post the more chronological scenes as I write them up here at the beginning, then there will be some random scenes placed in after until I can sort through them and piece them together.
(Argument between Frank And Re - they had been talking about something completely different and Ra finally can't contain it anymore and bursts out about the past. Up till this point, they had been determinedly avoiding the subject.)
"You want them to just use the emergency supplies when they're not sure?"
"No. I don't want it to become a habit. - How could you just leave me there Frank?"
The sudden subject switch didn't surprise Frank only because it had been on both of their minds so much since they'd re-united. "I didn't just leave you there Ra. Your mother wouldn't let me near you."
"Oh, and that's a good enough justification?" She shot back. "You could have come. Or if you couldn't in person, you could at least have called me, or written."
"Your mother had a restraining order on me Ra." She stopped. She obviously had never heard this before. "I did try to write to you a few times, but I think its safe to assume your mother never showed the letters to you."
Ra struggled to back on track after he'd derailed her. "But even so, you could have -- " The words dissolved before she could utter them.
"Could have what?" He said, filling the silence. "Could have defied your mother further and made her even more protective? It wouldn't have helped Ra."
Her anger returned very quickly. "Well, anything would have helped more than sending me back to her! Why couldn't you see it when I ran away and found you Uncle Frank?"
Unlike hers, his anger had disappeared completely now and he felt tears rising in his throat remembering that lost little girl that had cried in his arms. It was such a contrast to the furious young women who stood before him hating him. "See what Ra?" His words were barely audible.
Ra paused only because she could not believe he had not figured it out after sixteen years. Her words came out contemptuous. "She was unhinged Frank. After she lost dad, she went crazy." Frank said nothing. In truth, he had always suspected this, but had never allowed himself to believe it. "She would rant for hours on the war, how cruel God was to leave her alone with a child to take care of, how unfair it was, how it hurt her so much to look at me, how dad should never have left us to go to war to begin with. And she blamed everything on me."
"She didn't blame you for Ronnie's death, she reserved that honor for me." He choked out.
"No Uncle Frank, she blamed that on me too." Before he could argue it, she finished the thought. "She told me."
Frank was stunned. "She - she told you your dad's death was your fault?!" He rasped incredulously.
Ra's voice had dropped in volume now too. Her voice was rough, but still angry, her eyes tearing up. "She said if I could have just waited a few more years to be born dad wouldn't have had to feel like such a hero." Realization and horror was crashing down on Frank like a pile of bricks. Ra went on now, mercilessly, once she had started finding it difficult to stop. "She used to be furious any time I said the word 'dad', even if it was just in casual conversation with my friends. She cut me off from them, wouldn't let me go out or socialize. She confined me to the house for six months except for school once when she found a letter I'd written you. And all six months she ranted over me about how daddy was gone and I tried to be buddy-buddy with the man who'd let him die and who'd molested me."
Frank's eyes flashed at that. "I never touched you!"
"I know." She replied calmly. "But she tried to convince me that you did. Anything to convince me your were evil. To make me hate you." Silence fell for several long moments. Frank turned away and dug his hand into his hair.
Ra spoke very softly, her eyes filled with tears. "I never believed her. I just couldn't understand why you didn't see what she was like and protect me from her. I didn't understand why you took me back to her. How you couldn't know."
Still facing away from her he said. "I didn't know she was that bad."
"She was worse." Ra said numbly.
His words carried a plea now behind the emotion. "She always blamed me for Ronnie's death... How could she take it out on her own child?"
"I think she blamed both of us. She reached a point where there was no logic." Ra paused. "Somewhere in her mind though she must have known it wasn't true. She really blamed herself. That's why she killed herself."
"Has anyone ever told you you have fascinating eyes." This was so unexpected that she did not reply, just looked up at him bemused. "Its like they see you, and know you... but at the same time they're afraid to." She had no idea what to reply to this. Fortunately she was saved the trouble as Frank entered then.
* * *
(There will be the opening scene with Ronnie and Frank on the battlefield, the few brief childhood scenes with Ra and Frank, then the 23 year jump - that is where I'm beginning here)
23 YEARS LATER....
A taxi cab blared its horn as it wove in and out of traffic on the crowded street. As Ra hurried across the cross-walk, she found herself grateful once again that she had never purchased a car. Walking was almost always faster within the city limits anyway and, in some ways, safer too. A call of "Hey Sweetie!" from a rough-looking character passing by reminded her of at least one negative to walking though and she shook her head ruefully. Shaking her hair out of her eyes, she ignored the man and picked up her speed. Less than a block away now.
As her destination came into view, Ra took the time to pause beside a parked bus and give herself a quick once-over in its vertical mirror. Yep, same old Ra. Short, slightly pudgy build, long auburn hair partly pinned back now with jeweled butterfly pins, plain face, pale skin, and striking gray eyes. Her father's eyes. While always less-than-impressed with her own appearance, she had to admit that she did at least look well turned out in her grey skirted suit, white blouse, and sensible shoes. The deep gray eyes staring back at her looked as nervous and vulnerable as her churning stomach felt and she sighed. While she considered her eyes to be her best feature, they always seemed to betray her emotional state and to highlight the 'lost waif' impression. She hated that. Was she lost? Well, a little perhaps. But no more so than most, and her own transparency frustrated her. She was also stronger than her wounded eyes and slight build made her seem, or so she liked to believe. "Yeah right Ra, that's why you're on your way to see a shrink." She mumbled to herself.
"Excuse me?" A confused woman asked whom Ra hadn't noticed standing nearby.
"Oh n-nothing." Ra stammered. Blushing furiously, she hurried away from the bus.
She paused again outside Dr. Snow's office door. Her stomach flip-flopped as she read the name-plate on the door. 'Dr. Jacob Snow, Licensed Private Counselor'. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself. ~Steady Ra. Lynn would never send you to a corrupt head-doctor.~ She felt her hands clenching into fists. ~Lord, help me to be calm.~
Before the prayer had finished, the door in front of her suddenly opened and she found herself face-to-face with Dr. Snow himself. He was not at all as she'd imagined. In fact, he looked downright laid-back and kind. Still, in her surprise, she stared stupidly details of his appearance flashing across her mind in rapid succession. Mid-to-late fifties, salt-and-pepper hair, glasses, trimmed mustache and beard, blue jeans and un-tucked button-up shirt. No tie, no jacket. Sneakers. Old sneakers. "Oh." He started. "Excuse me, I was expecting someone else."
Ra found her voice at last. "D-Dr. Snow?"
His brow furrowed in question, the correction automatic. "Jake." He extended his hand. "Are you Ray Stone?"
"Yes, it's nice to meet you Dr. - Jake." She smiled, somehow much more comfortable now. The name confusion was familiar territory.
Grinning, he shook her hand warmly and stepped back to allow her entry. "Dr Jake. That's me." He laughed. "Please, come in, take a seat."
Ra entered and took one of the offered chairs. To her surprise there was no desk visible in the room, just several comfortable chairs, a glass coffee table littered with magazines, and an artificial fireplace. Ra had always been a sucker for a fireplace, even a fake one, and found the atmosphere quite relaxing. ~You're good.~ She silently told God.
After asking her to sign in so there was a paper record of their meeting, he set the paper aside and opened. "I must apologize, I'm afraid I heard your name and expected a young man instead of a young lady." Jake said as he pulled up a chair and sat down across from her. They'd worry about logistics later.
Despite the faux pas, Ra appreciated his honestly. "Its totally fine, a lot of people do. Ra is short for Rahab. It sounds ilke a guys name, Ray, but its spelled without the 'Y'." She explained.
"Ah. Rahab. Straight from the Bible then. Its different, I like it."
"Thanks." Ra said. "I've always liked it too, despite the Biblical Rahab's profession." She grinned.
Jake laughed. "Yeah... I guess that would make it a little odd."
"Well, not really. Rahab was a prostitute, but she was also a very brave lady. She protected men who were enemies of her city even knowing her whole family would be slaughtered if she were found out. She believed them, and she believed God, and so she was spared. She even ended up in the lineage of Jesus." She stopped and looked at him a bit sheepishly. "I'm sorry, you didn't ask for the Bible lesson."
He smiled. "No, its fine, I like hearing it. Those stories never gets old." It was his turn to hesitate now. "...Would it be alright for me to assume you're open to Christian counseling versus the standard?"
"Oh, of course." Ra replied. "I'm kind of surprised Lynn didn't mention that to you when she asked if you'd see me."
"Actually, Lynn was very general. She didn't even mention that you were a young women, she just said that she had a younger friend who was looking for someone to talk to. As I've known her for years, it was a natural recommendation."
Ra processed that, then nodded. "You've known each other for a while?"
"We used to work together years ago."
Ra blinked. "Lynn was a counselor?!"
Jake had already made several mental notes and this was one more. "Well, no. We met in college. I was studying psychology and taking Bible courses. She was in nursing and we met in one of the Bible courses. We worked on a project together."
"Oh." Ra said relieved, then noticed his knowing smile and pressed her lips together, annoyed with herself for giving so much away.
Jake noticed these things too, but did not press them. "So since your parents named you Rahab, were they Christians too?"
Ra inwardly cringed but managed to keep this one from registering on her face. "Yes, I was raised in that life. In fact my dad was a pastor before he went off to war. I'm told he admired Rahab in the Bible because she was so brave, that's where I got the name."
"Sounds like a good guy." Jake said.
Ra sighed wistfully. "Yeah, he was." She was surprised with herself. Despite her many fears, she had promised herself to try and be as open in this meeting as possible. Not everyone was out to get her and God must have led her here for a reason. She trusted Lynn's judgment, so "Dr. Jake" must be alright, and more importantly, she needed to trust where God had put her.
Jake asked kindly, "Was?"
Ra replied honestly. "Yes, he... passed in the war."
"You mentioned that you were told he admired Rahab, so I wondered."
Ra smiled, impressed. "Yeah. Uncle Frank told me. He was dad's war buddy and best friend." She couldn't keep her smile from hardening at the mention of Frank. Jake picked up on it and simply looked at her curiously. Sighing, Ray went on to explain.
"When dad died, he asked Uncle Frank to look after me. So he and I were close for a while when I was a small child. I even ran away once to live with him, but he sent me back to my mother."
Jake sat back, interested in how this would continue. Ra had clearly been nervous when she'd come, she'd been standing outside his office door for at least a full minute before he'd obliged and went to greet her. Yet now she opened up relatively quickly. He recognized her last statement as the "loaded beginning" of her story. "You didn't want to go back to your mother?"
Ra smiled ruefully, but the expression didn't go anywhere near her eyes. "No."
* * *
Something caught Ra's eye there in the gutter beside the road. A blackened form lay motionless in the dirt, flies collecting and swirling in the heat. She didn't know why she was drawn rather than being repulsed, but Ra felt herself moving closer. It was a young soldier, very young by the look of him. He couldn't have been more than eighteen, possibly less. Her stomach turned, not at the decaying sight of him, but at the realization that he had been left here by the Antichrist's army, not even buried. Just forgotten. On his forehead, the Mark of the Beast was clear even behind the smudged ash. Her heart trembled with pity even still.
Instinctively, Ra lifted her eyes to heaven. A cloud of gray smoke wafted across the scene above her, but when it passed the sky was azure blue and the first tiny silver stars of the evening glittered like diamond chips. 'God,' she prayed. 'Sometimes its so hard to see You in the midst of all this worldly carnage. But yet when the smoke blows away, the sky is still there in all its beauty, just where its always been...' Before she could finish the thought, she heard her voice being called. "Ra!" Frank's urgent tone diverted her attention. "Let's go!" Ra spared a last glance at the sky, then walked back to the others.
* * *
* * *
* * *
The group was bustling in the warehouse that afternoon as meals had just been finished and were being distributed out to group leaders. Most groups were still clustered in their church groups, but Ra was happy to see that the lines had become a little blurred and the groups were freely interacting with each other. It made it a little more difficult in terms of organization and things like meals, but she wasn't going to complain. Heidi and the other ladies seemed to have things well in hand and she was extremely grateful that this was one area she did not have to oversee. She had been meeting with the leadership group all morning and was really craving some solitude, or at least to be away from faces that she spent so many hours with for a little while, but in their current lodging facilities there was little chance of that. So, she decided to look for the quietest corner she could find, even if it was still with a small group of people she had yet to meet. Glancing around the multiple clusters, she spotted an African-American man with a mustache sitting somewhat apart from the group against a wall. He looked vaguely familiar and she was pretty sure he often went out with the military leadership on runs, but she couldn't come up with a name or ever remember hearing him speak. A few feet away from him, a dark-skinned little girl with dangling corn-rows sat facing the opposite direction holding tightly to a corn-husk doll. She was silent and still, saying nothing and simply watching the other people mill around as she hugged her doll. Feeling drawn for a reason she could not understand, she walked over and sat down on the crate next to the man without invitation. "May I join you?" The man had already been served a bowl of stew and was eating is lowly. He grunted noncommittally at her. Unoffended, Ra's attention turned to the little girl. There was a bowl of stew sitting near her on the floor, but it was untouched and she made no movement towards it. "She doesn't seem to approve of the ladies cooking." Ra commented and took a bite of her own meal.
The man looked at her. "She can't approve or disapprove, she ain't tasted it yet."
Ra swallowed and commented. "Its not often you find someone whose not hungry nowadays."
"It ain't that." The man said and took another bite of his food. Ra waited for him to continue, but he did not, leaving a bit of an awkward silence.
She hesitated, unsure if she should wait for him to offer more information, or if she should ask for it. Finally, curiosity won out. "Is she feeling sick?"
"At heart." The man said slowly and she could see that his eyes were contemplative as though he were debating with himself whether or not to continue. After a moment, decision apparently made, he put his bowl down and explained without turning to look at her. "Nevaeh come from Jamaica. I met her mama there when I was in da army. We lived there for nine years, since before Nevaeh was born." Ra's heart sank. She had heard the reports from the Caribbean Islands and she knew that the population on those islands had been largely wiped out.
"How did you get out of there?" She asked quietly.
* * *
Ra's eyes moved over the farmyard and the surrounding hills. Then she turned to Frank and Jackson. "What do you think? Is it defensible?" Before they could reply however, there was the sound of commotion over towards the abandoned chicken-house. Alarmed, they rushed towards the sound of the disturbance. As they drew closer, the sound of laughter slowed their steps. Israel stood there in the yard laughing. Ra gave him a questioning look. "What's going on?"
"The children found a chicken." Israel said.
"A chicken? Alive?!" She said and moved closer to look. There was indeed a white, red-eyed hen flapping its wings and running crazily as a small group of children, including Nevaeh, stood around watching and laughing. It was wild-eyed and shrieking. There were a few other small lumps of feathers in the chicken-house, but no other live creatures. The chicken was no doubt starving and traumatized by the sounds of battle in the near distance.
Chris (one of the blonde-haired little boys )looked up at Ra and said, "Oh my gosh Ra, you have to let us keep it!"
Ra saw Nevaeh sit down on a crate nearby staring at the unmoving chicken carcasses. She adamantly shook her head somewhat nauseated by the chicken house and the lingering scent of chicken feces and decay. "No, no Chris, we can't." There was an immediate uproar from the children. "Look, we have a hard enough time taking care of ourselves right now, it would be better for us to use it for a food source than -- "
"But its so skinny already Ra." Nelson chimed in. "We couldn't eat it, it would be like eating feathery... bones or something." He grinned at his own choice of words.
Ra made a face. "Guys, no." The chicken was slowing its crazy antics probably more out of exhaustion than lack of fear.
Lynn reached them from the farm-house. She smiled in amusement and look at Ra. "You've always loved animals Ra."
"Yes, but it's a chicken! And this is the apocalypse for crying out loud!" She looked over at Jackson for help, only to find him failing badly at suppressing a smile. She continued, but almost as though she argued with herself more than the rest of them. "Its not even an interesting color, it's just dirty white. It's not even --- " There was a flurry of feathers and the chicken landed in Nevaeh's lap. With a final squawk, it laid down and laid its head against the girl's chest. Nevaeh looked up at Ra with those huge brown eyes, and for the first time in the 3 weeks since her father had passed, smiled. "...cute." Ra finished her sentence lamely. She looked at Frank. Frank simply raised his eyebrows at her offering no opinion. Ra sighed in resignation and spoke sternly to the kids. "Alright, but let me make it very clear that if there's a choice between the chicken and your safety, it's you guys fir---" She was drowned out by a chorus of cheers. The chicken in Nevaeh's lap raised its head and bok'd at the noise. Nevaeh stroked its head and it calmed.
(A short while later... Ra, Lynn, and Jackson are walking across the yard conversing about supplies, the conversation turns back to the chicken...)
The sound of the children's laughter came to them from the porch. The kids were sitting in a circle with Nevaeh in the middle and the chicken was taking turns going to random children and eating corn kernels out of their hands. Every few seconds the chicken would return back to Nevaeh's lap until the sight of the corn in the kids hands would draw it back out. After every nibble, the chicken would bok loudly as though saying, 'Thank you.' and it was this that was amusing the children. Ra sighed. "I can't believe I let them keep it." She said grumpily.
"Ah, it's given the children something to smile about again." Lynn said reassuringly.
Jackson grinned and hefted his semi. "Don't worry Ra, if it gets too vicious I'll take it out."
Ra gave him a dirty look and stopped walking to watch the children for a while. She didn't want to admit it aloud, but the chicken's antics were pretty funny. "Should we let them name the stupid thing?"
"Oh, they already have." Lynn answered smiling. "Our new feathery friend's name is Snoo-Snoo." Jackson roared with laughter. (http://www.studentsoftheworld.info/penpals/stats.php3?Pays=JAM)
"Snoo-Snoo?!" Ra said incredulously. "Is that a joke?"
"No," Lynn replied calmly. "Apparently Nevae knew someone in Jamaica with that name. She and that bird have gotten really attached."
Ra frowned. "In some ways that makes it even less of a good idea to keep that thing around. If something does happen to that chicken..."
Lynn turned to her and spoke gently. "Let them be kids Ra. They have so little to smile about anymore. Especially Nevaeh."
Ra sighed deeply and looked at the smile on Nevaeh's beautiful dark face. "I guess that's true." She said reluctantly. ~You make sure my Nevaeh learns how to smile again.~ (Elija's last words to Ra)
Jackson continued chuckling and Ra looked over at him again. "Snoo-Snoo." He laughed, and even Ra had to smile.
* * *
(Argument between Frank And Re - they had been talking about something completely different and Ra finally can't contain it anymore and bursts out about the past. Up till this point, they had been determinedly avoiding the subject.)
"You want them to just use the emergency supplies when they're not sure?"
"No. I don't want it to become a habit. - How could you just leave me there Frank?"
The sudden subject switch didn't surprise Frank only because it had been on both of their minds so much since they'd re-united. "I didn't just leave you there Ra. Your mother wouldn't let me near you."
"Oh, and that's a good enough justification?" She shot back. "You could have come. Or if you couldn't in person, you could at least have called me, or written."
"Your mother had a restraining order on me Ra." She stopped. She obviously had never heard this before. "I did try to write to you a few times, but I think its safe to assume your mother never showed the letters to you."
Ra struggled to back on track after he'd derailed her. "But even so, you could have -- " The words dissolved before she could utter them.
"Could have what?" He said, filling the silence. "Could have defied your mother further and made her even more protective? It wouldn't have helped Ra."
Her anger returned very quickly. "Well, anything would have helped more than sending me back to her! Why couldn't you see it when I ran away and found you Uncle Frank?"
Unlike hers, his anger had disappeared completely now and he felt tears rising in his throat remembering that lost little girl that had cried in his arms. It was such a contrast to the furious young women who stood before him hating him. "See what Ra?" His words were barely audible.
Ra paused only because she could not believe he had not figured it out after sixteen years. Her words came out contemptuous. "She was unhinged Frank. After she lost dad, she went crazy." Frank said nothing. In truth, he had always suspected this, but had never allowed himself to believe it. "She would rant for hours on the war, how cruel God was to leave her alone with a child to take care of, how unfair it was, how it hurt her so much to look at me, how dad should never have left us to go to war to begin with. And she blamed everything on me."
"She didn't blame you for Ronnie's death, she reserved that honor for me." He choked out.
"No Uncle Frank, she blamed that on me too." Before he could argue it, she finished the thought. "She told me."
Frank was stunned. "She - she told you your dad's death was your fault?!" He rasped incredulously.
Ra's voice had dropped in volume now too. Her voice was rough, but still angry, her eyes tearing up. "She said if I could have just waited a few more years to be born dad wouldn't have had to feel like such a hero." Realization and horror was crashing down on Frank like a pile of bricks. Ra went on now, mercilessly, once she had started finding it difficult to stop. "She used to be furious any time I said the word 'dad', even if it was just in casual conversation with my friends. She cut me off from them, wouldn't let me go out or socialize. She confined me to the house for six months except for school once when she found a letter I'd written you. And all six months she ranted over me about how daddy was gone and I tried to be buddy-buddy with the man who'd let him die and who'd molested me."
Frank's eyes flashed at that. "I never touched you!"
"I know." She replied calmly. "But she tried to convince me that you did. Anything to convince me your were evil. To make me hate you." Silence fell for several long moments. Frank turned away and dug his hand into his hair.
Ra spoke very softly, her eyes filled with tears. "I never believed her. I just couldn't understand why you didn't see what she was like and protect me from her. I didn't understand why you took me back to her. How you couldn't know."
Still facing away from her he said. "I didn't know she was that bad."
"She was worse." Ra said numbly.
His words carried a plea now behind the emotion. "She always blamed me for Ronnie's death... How could she take it out on her own child?"
"I think she blamed both of us. She reached a point where there was no logic." Ra paused. "Somewhere in her mind though she must have known it wasn't true. She really blamed herself. That's why she killed herself."
* * *
(Frank sent Ra off for a few minutes with Jackson so he could explain some tactical plans to her. Their conversation takes a turn.)
"Has anyone ever told you you have fascinating eyes." This was so unexpected that she did not reply, just looked up at him bemused. "Its like they see you, and know you... but at the same time they're afraid to." She had no idea what to reply to this. Fortunately she was saved the trouble as Frank entered then.
"Am I interrupting?" He asked Jackson a little irritably. Jackson glanced at Ra and opened his mouth to respond, but Frank cut him off. "We just got word." He turned away. Jackson looked at Ra again seeming a little disappointed, then turned to follow his father. Wondering a moment, Ra followed.
* * *
(Some time later, not connected to this previous scene. I don't want the idea of Ra and Jackson getting together to be obvious, so it will definitely be separated. The comments will seem random. Many personal conversations will actually. In most cases things are so busy and desperate that normal conversations kind of have to perforate the other stuff if they're to happen at all.)
"Jackson's cute you know."
Ra glanced up at Lynn distracted. "What?"
Lynn smiled. "He fits that description you gave me of your perfect guy pretty well. Tall, dark hair, dream eyes..."
Ra made a face. "Seriously Lynn? We're in the middle of the apocalypse and you're playing match-maker?"
"Just saying..." Ra rolled her eyes at her and started walking again. Satisfied that the idea had been presented, Lynn smiled and followed her.
* * *
(SPOILER ALERT! - Again, another scene, much much later in the story - at this point, Ra has become physically drained. She's been wounded several times and is weak to the point that they worry about her collapsing and her body giving up completely. She has continued to push herself, though after the last incident where she came back beaten and having issues with her equilibrium, she had resigned herself to taking it a little more easy.
Despite this, she was forced for the groups safety to take on a mission to infiltrate, and take out if they can, an enemy base. During the planning phase, Frank offers an option for taking the base that would require him infiltrating and planting a bomb with no chance of his own escape. Ra rejects this plan angrily. "Absolutely not. Forget it! We'll think of something else." They make other arrangements, which all of the military men in the group knew was a long shot, but Ra was adamant that Frank's suggestion was not a valid option. They had built her up for leadership and had to follow. The mission ends up going very badly, and Frank, seeing that the others escape route will be cut off, makes his last minute kamakazibomb run anyway. Ra sees Frank running for the building and is beside herself and screaming and has to be physically restrained by the others to keep her from running towards the building after him. She and the others only barely escape with their lives even after the explosion fighting off enemy soldiers as they run. However, on the trip back, somehow, Ra manages not to emotionally fold completely and is herded along by the others. Jackson keeps an arm around her waist the entire way, more for restraint if she tries to run back than for physical support, though its clear she needs that as well. Tears streak the soot on her cheeks, but she is somehow still standing, though barely, as they return to base camp - which I think is an old warehouse at this point....)
As soon as Israel saw them coming through the door he immediately raced over to see who needed what treatment. He reached for Ra as Jackson finally released her, but she pulled away and moved past him. Israel saw the shock and grief etched on her too-pale face, but his training instinctively let her go to focus on the gun-shot wound of one of the others. As he fervently questioned Jackson, Ra walked deeper into the building barely on her feet. Each step was a halting stagger. She heard Israel ask, 'Where's Frank?' behind her, and then all sound seemed to mute and her stubborn heart-beat to take over as the only sound that resonated within her. Lynn looked over from across the complex and noticed her there, pale, bewildered, and seemingly directionless. She didn't seem aware even of what was going on around her, but she was heading in the general direction of the infirmary. Ra was so weak already, but instantly Lynn knew something beyond the physical was very wrong. Cautiously, but with purpose, she began making her way through the camp toward her friend. She moved faster the further she went.
Ra's trance-like walk was interrupted just outside the infirmary curtain where Morgan rested. Israel voice was calling to her. "Ra!" He said it firmly as though he had said it several times before without her responding. There was still several yards between them. Ra ignored him and drew back the curtain and found herself staring at an empty cot. In her current state, she could make no sense of this. As Israel said her name again, this time sharply, she turned her head and tried gamely to focus on his face across that slow, muted space. He spoke to her, but she could not understand his words. They were garbled as though time itself had slowed down.
Ra tried to speak, her words halting. Her voice sounded hollow and smothered as though coming through deep water. "Isr--. ..where's Morgan?"
"Ra, listen, we'll talk about Morgan in a few hours. You need to rest." Lines of concern marked his forehead and she saw beads of perspiration as he continued towards her.
With every ounce of adrenaline that remained to course through her, Ra turned away from the cot to face him. Some measure of strength returned to Ra's mind and her voice then was strong, demanding again. "Israel. Where's Morgan?"
Israel stopped now only feet from her his features falling. He glanced back at Jackson and the others as though for help, but they could give him none. He knew from her expression that whatever else was going on within her, she would accept nothing other than a direct answer. "Ra..." He reached a hand out toward her. "He slipped into cardiac arrest. I did everything I could for him, but - we knew it was only a matter of time."
This, at last, was too much. Ra looked away from him wildly, her eyes staring at nothing. Lynn's face swam into view as she grew closer. No matter how deafeningly her heart was screaming to escape this, to erase what her brain was telling her so cruelly, she saw the truth there too in Lynn's eyes, saw the dried tears on her cheeks. The room and all the people disappeared, her pounding heart resumed its silent screaming, and her legs simply crumbled beneath her. For a moment, she simply sat there on the ground struggling to breathe past the suffocating pain. The screaming in her mind became deafening and she tried to lift numbed arms to cover her ears unsuccessfully. Arms encircled her, and she felt her head drawn to Lynn's chest. She could not hear the sobs, but she could feel Lynn's chest hitching as she held her close against her breast like a small child. It was impossible for Ra to do anything more than remain limply where she was, held, but broken, outwardly alive, but deep within her finally dying.
* * *
