Mirror Of The Sky

Blackbird upon a wire

Staring down into a mirror of the sky (pond)

Movement beneath the ripples

Darting between the long-grass

Peeking up beneath the waters shadows

To You who watches up above

Compare Your posture to one who grieves

One numbed by too much hurt for too long

Eyes that stare and see

See through and not at all

Wandering but not seeking

Knowing there is nothing left to find

You hear the stranger with your face

Scream futily at the clouds

'You did this!  You KNEW it would happen!'

Now only silence remains...

Never Easy

You never said this would be easy

Still we pray things turn out right

We hold on tighter fearing what we could lose

Watch the lights burn low at night

We wonder where we've come from

That life can hurt so much

And yet we remain alive

We breathe and move pedantically

While part of us has died

We dare to say 'Hello'

Yet so often say 'Goodbye'

Old and far away are memories sweet echoes

Yet nearer to the heart of the matter

Than anybody ever knows

Bleeding Colors

The color has bled from the world and is pooled in these sporadic, leaf-like shapes

Amidst the dark and brackish water

Like blood coagulating in some undiscovered, murky depths

Deep and fierce the pain blossoms in these stars and clusters like late-blooming blossoms of despair

As the bitter wind has drained out the feeling from warm skin, now pale and numb

So has time drained out the vibrancy and pungency of this grief

Yet still, in lonely deep layers in some hidden place within my heart

The colors have concentrated, fallen into darkened waters

Like infection set into deeply scarred wounds

This beyond the sight of waking eyes, beyond the hearing are soft cries

When all is still and covered and cold

Forgotten the summer's warm touch, the sun's embrace against this chill

Amidst the colors marking hurt as a flag heralds its country's pride

Gold glistens faintly, as hope emerging in the blackest chasm

Stars against the blackness of space

Who can know, who can tell

What Mind and matter, but mortal cannot see?

How Far

I told you once
That I would never leave you
I've repeated it every moment that has passed since
Ripple passing on to ripple
In a pool of summer sunlight
Stretching to an invisible crystal shore

I told you once
That I love you
It has echoed down the moments like trickles becoming a stream
Stream becoming river, river meeting the sea
Ending in a bottomless waterfall trickling to infinity

I told you that you were forgiven
And it was extended from fingertip to fingertip
On a rough-hewn tree
Hammer-stroke to hammer-stroke
Each stifled cry and parting sigh
Becoming a breath of pity, a prayer gasped for your pardon
Even as the nails were driven deeper
The sun becoming black above my brow

I remembered you as I was forgotten by my Father
Drew you close as He turned me away
Bleed for you as you heal before me
Hurt with you when you cry

Though you can never understand how much
My love is extended towards you
Never fathom how much was the cost
How great a sacrifice given
My love stretches to you
Farther, wider, deeper than any you could ever dream

~Jesus

(written: 04-02-2012)

outreach

So many unasnwered questions
So many broken tries
So much beyond my comprehension
And this world tells so many lies
I'm trying to live by a truth that I know
In a world full of deception
Help me to see through the eyes of Your love
And learn not to compromise

Empty me of expectation
Take all of my pride
Grant to me a heart that sees
Beyond these weary eyes
Help me to be the unexpected stranger
Willing to carry the cross

written: 2-21-2012

Demons In The Dark/Spiritual Warfare

I stand as a lone figure in the dark
A person of no consequence to my mind
But of enormous worth to forces I cannot see
As a solitary figure against the wind
The lone wisp of straw who stubbornly clings
And refuses to let go and be swept away

Of what significance could a life be
So patterned by rebellion and regret?
Yet like a simmering cauldron
Vibrant and full, passionate and repressed
Waiting, simply waiting to be set free
To be dynamic, to be powerful yet gentle
To be used

I dream of dark werewolves that jump out of closets

Friends are around me, yet distant
They want to help, but their lives go by in an otherwise normal fashion

But the demons in the dark are after me alone.
In every corner I see them
Their glowing eyes are laced with hate
They are ready to pounce out and grab me
Hold me until I must give in.
But they have not yet killed me.
It seems their intentions to to torture me
To drive me to fear
Always holding out that last snap of the jaws
That tetheres me to this life, to sanity

I never see what is happening when they attack
I do not have their eyes of eternity
Yet they work so subtly and lethally with my fears and my hurts
So as to render me helpless to all but flight

They follow me then, even in flight when I try to run away from them
They are with me on every street-corner
In the car when I drive
When I visit with friends
When I sleep and when I wake
Though consciousness cloaks them in a mist of reality
A veil of the physical to mask the spiritual
Hiding their true forms and their methods of attack

But always they are waiting for my eyes to close
For my guard to be let down in a moment of weakness
For doubt to creep back in again
And as strong as I have tried to be, they wear me down
Until I am helpless and vulnerable again
Till the most opportune time to attack
And they show no mercy
There is no light in them

They are what follows along-side my path
Just beyond the boundaries waiting
To snatch away any hope or strength or endurance that I have found
If I stray but a little outside of the narrow walk set before me

What is this endless chatter
That clacks and vibrates inside of me?
It will not be silenced
Its a broken dream or blurred reality
Too confusing to utter, to complex to share
Too simple to make sense to this convaluted mess of a mind

Pruning

Was it as sad as it might have been?

Did you regret for more than just a moment

Do you still remember when?

I think my vision of you was just a dream

A person I had known from long ago

A part you couldn't play forever it seems

So God please tell me why

Why do You give to take away?

I know it's Your right

But when it happens, what can I say?

I don't understand Your ways

You're far beyond my comprehension

You're too big for my little mind

Yet You've paid for my redemption

Your ways are not my ways

Your thought are not my thoughts

But for just a moment...

Could You bend down to me?

Oh God of mercy and grace

Please show understanding on Your face

And listen to my cry

And tell me why I have to die

To truly live

Am I as forgiving

As You have called me to be?

Do I speak with my mouth only

Yet refuse to fully be?

Do You still know me?

Are You still here when I fall?

I think my vision of You is just a little thing

All that I can understand and whatever You bring

Why can't I refuse to make my own side of You?

To live and praise as wholly this day

As when things are going my way

Why can't my arms reach

As high as the sky You've made

To be as close to You now

As though I had stayed

Right where You've wanted me

Please close this distance

I can't run if I fall

I cannot stand on my feet at all

So lift me near

Please forgive my tears...

Is this daily life as strange

As I have made it to be?

The vision I have of You

Is blurred by my own reality

The more I think I know of You

The more questions I must ask

And the answers are that more must be given of me

I try so hard I make myself fail

I get so tired of listening

The sound of my own wails

I'm tired of fighting me as well as You

So Lord please tell me what it is that I should do

Your death brought life to me

You rose to set me free

So please break these chains of insecurity

And allow me to truly see

That You adore me

Just as I am, this broken thing

Who cannot see what's right in front of me

Who cannot hear Your voice for I am drowning You see

Who do You want me to be?

Please forgive me

And teach me to say 'Goodbye'