Lingering Goodbyes

Perhaps I should have grown from this….

I don’t know

No, I don’t know

Perhaps I should have seen it coming

Winding down the road to say ‘Hello’

Perhaps I should have built the walls

Girded my heart with iron fences

Just to guard against what I didn’t know

Yellow roses in a twilight bed

Wave hello to the southern sky

Whose fading glory casts a passing shadow on my soul

Summer breezes whisper past my window

And rustle tender leaves still numb with snow

And don’t know where to go

Moonlight sings a lullaby

Dreams the lazy hours all away

Yay yay yay

Forgot to turn my eyes back to watch you go

Walk away from yesterday in every dream

In every happy glow

You walk so slow

Maybe when then sun fights back the darkness

And morning wakes the memories from my sleep

There you’ll be

Maybe if I keep wishing, always believing

Then you’ll come back to me

Or maybe I should give up on my foolish waiting

And know that dreams can only bring you back for moments

And will not last through the day

Perhaps I should have turned away

When you walked up to me and said, ‘Hello’

Perhaps I should have locked away

The way my heart turned your way

Even when my lips told you ‘No.’

Maybe someday I won’t see your eyes

In every sunrise

Or hear your voice in every song I hear

Maybe I won’t hear your laughter in every child’s voice

Or feel the pain of your parting with every lost goodbye

Maybe I’ll forget what it meant to me…

When I knew that you were near…

Hovering above the water

Barely taking in a breath for fear of the ripples on the water

That they might shatter the image of you

That I’ve kept close inside my heart

Is there some law against forgetting someday

What I once held most dear?

I wrap your weeping limbs around me

Pull your leaves into the pond like falling, falling tears

You ripple in the breeze like waves on the sea

And tremble just like me

When will we be free?

Written: 05-19-2010

NOTE: (a few months after writing)This was written, in part, to express a grief in letting go, and losing two children. I have since gained a better perspective I believe, but there are moments that are still difficult. It is a pain that is largely inexpressible to all but to those who have been through it and understand. But no longer will I be shackled to memories or a person that I used to be.