My hands are full
But my heart is empty
My mind is weak and tired
But my will is still strong
My ambitions are in vain I say
If I cannot handle all this strain.
And so again You find me here
Alone and scarred, beaten to my knees
Too much for too long I've carried along
Wholly unnecessary weight upon my back
Forgot to give up what I could not hold onto.
So You wipe away the tears of anger
Brush away the dust of apathy
And help me to understand that what You have given to me
I should lift right back up to You.
And what I've come to love more than You
Can be taken away in the flickering of an eye.
You wrestle with me as I fight with You
Just to get me to look up into Your face
And remember who is carrying who
Nothing, no nothing
Can ever take me from Your love
Yet so easily I lose my sense of direction
Can't give You more than a moment's attention
In all of their eyes so focused
But somehow never completely with mine
You call me to wake up
From where I've been sleeping while wide awake
To reveal just how far off track I've come.
I wrestle with a God who I will not let go of
Though hanging sometimes from my fingertips
But a God who even more desperately clings
Who will never let go of me.
Your desire to be near me never falters
Even when my head turns this way and that
A foolishly nervous twitch
A pensive owl so prone to these distractions
Distractions born out of love
But it is You who I should love first.
Never have I loved more
Than when I fear I will lose it
So it is with me
So it is with you
We cling to these earthly things
Even gifts that you bring and tailor just for me
I cling to them as desperately as I should hold onto You
And loosen my grip on the only One able to save me
I wrestle with a God who loves more deeply than I ever could
Who will not let me fight my way
(Or think my way, or cry or write my way)
Out of His arms
A God who understands that as hard as I struggle
I need His embrace
And even His wounding
Even more
-Kaylie
ps - I guess it's really more of a ballad.
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