State of Dependence

Dependence

You lead me Lord with a gentle hand

Or perhaps a guard-railed fence

To guide my steps

And yet I wrestle away from Your clear wisdom

Deep as a mountain pool

And allow my own distorted truth

To become chains around me

Cloudy dissolution to fog my path

To trickle wispy tendrils to tug at my feet

And curl phantom fingers to beckon me

Away from my narrow path and Your guiding hands

But I've walked too long

On that broad, easy path of least resistance

It's shadows are far too familiar

And the screams from all sides

As reckless travelers tumble off the un-boundaried precipice

Sometimes laughing as they go

Still haunt my dreams

A night mare waiting in the dark...

Shadowplay: taunting the shadows and mocking the mist

For too long have I done this

Drawing too close to Your boundary lines

Instead I will remember the youth

Of my restoring spring-time

When You picked up this sodden

Mud-splattered rag-doll

And held her close instead of tossing her away

There was a brokenness there

That I had not previously known

A place only reached at the very end

Of human endurance and strength

A despair in the emptiness

Of all I had tried to replace You with

That left me utterly alone

Still You called me to You

Drew my eyes up to see

The shared tears in Your timeless gaze

And it was only there

In that most broken of places

That I clung to You with a child-like trust


Desperation born of helplessness

But that same recognition

That You are God and I am small

And You are all that matters

All I had

All I would ever need

When I clung to You like

A trembling child in the dark

I thirsted for Your word

Like a parched prophet in the desert

For living water

More like a man drowning

In the thick, inky shadows

Gasping for breath

Through his streaming tears

It was then that I knew You the most

Then that the road was most clear

When its way was unknown

But not cluttered with questions

And the bends it took

That hid the future's obstacles

Caused no fear

Nor any doubt in the arms carrying me

It was when my contemplation

Did not outweigh my longing for You

Or distract from Your wisdom

I ran to You

Recognized You as the Savior you are

And knew I would find solace in no other

Lord, draw me back

To that state of dependence

To that most innocent, trusting place

Reserved only for You

May the eyes I lift to You remain

The eyes of a child

Who knows only to trust

And has only begun to truly see

Written: Aug. 2007'